I am almost halfway through my undergrad collegiate career, and I’m panicking. Just a little.
I changed my major three times: from undecided communications to Public relations, from PR to Journalism, and finally from Journalism to Advertising. After I chose Advertising, I decided to pursue Graphic Design as my second major and Marketing as my minor. And now that I have chosen what I want to do, all I can think is: That’s it?!
There is no more changing and exploring and trying something new. That’s it. I feel like I’m having commitment issues. I want to take other classes, like Women & Gender Studies, or Africana Studies, but there isn’t room in my schedule for playing around anymore. I feel trapped! It’s not like I don’t love my major, but I have been exposed to more topics that I want to explore. I feel like, maybe it’s too late?
Then there are friends. My first friend at college became my first roommate who became my first ex-roommate, and now we’re no longer friends. That sucks. Plus some of my other friendships are evolving or devolving and changing. I “knew” stuff like this would happen, but I am not sure I could have anticipated these “changes.” I keep telling myself that change is good: if I keep the same friends at the beginning of college through the end of college, it means that I haven’t grown as a person, but have remained stagnant. It would mean I was the exact same person I was when I was 18 as I will be when I’m 22. That doesn’t even sound right, but it’s still hard.
Then there is all these career and internship concerns. What the HECK am I going to do when I graduate college? Where am I going to work? How am I going to make money? What am I going to do with myself? I am thinking about going back to the internships I had last summer, but in that way I do not feel like I am growing or changing. The only thing I’m banking on is that I can contribute more now than I could before because I’m more educated.
And I’m not going to touch the “man” conversation right now.
Anyone can tell you that life comes at you fast. But, it’s different when you feel it yourself. I’ve been 20 years old for almost two months now… two months! I’m in my twenties, and I feel way to young to be trying to figure out life, but this is when people start figuring it out. I can’t believe how far I’ve come, and how much farther I have to go. I’m proud, scared, excited, nervous, anxious, and grateful for what my life has been and what it will be.
I can’t believe that I am almost halfway through my undergrad college career. I just can’t believe it…
